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OkCupid in November expanded the list of genders and sexual orientations, and they included sapiosexual on this list; after that public became aware of this unique identity. But what is sapiosexual? What is the sapiosexual meaning?

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Yes, you might already know this intellectually.

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In this essay

While every adolescent story has its brushes and run-ins with sex, Sex Education does a remarkable job of tackling the inelegant topic of sexual growth with equal nuance and distinction for every character. It is not, as the title suggests, a show about one subject, but a masterfully interwoven narrative that mirrors the messiness of human sexuality.

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I was 23 when I first heard the word demisexual — a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It took me too long to find that word and the validity of its definition because there were no examples of it in mainstream media. Sex Education is the first instance I can recall of a protagonist not constantly preoccupied by the need for validation through sex and love, but whose journey is even more fundamental than that.

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He is, like everyone else on the show, on his own journey — and the show, to its immense credit, lets him be. Girls was known, among other things, for explicit and often messy sex among its young millennial characters, who relate to physical intimacy in starkly different ways from their Sex and the City or Friends ancestors.

But an easy failure of sex-positive media is the assumption that it applies to everyone. Otis and multiple peers re themselves to this credo, to getting the un-special sex out of the way so they can be prepared for the special sex. But Sex Education is the first time I can recall someone being physically unable to go through with it; other shows or movies have characters change their mind because they want to wait or to have sex with someone they care about.

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Their bodies are ready even though their minds and hearts are not, but in this show it is the body that betrays the truth. Sex Education reminds us that sometimes it is the libido, the sex drive, that thing that Freud and HBO took as a given, which does not comply. The belief that we all have some latent and charged sexual instinct is the kind of assumption that le to miscommunication between partners. As we talk about affirmative consent, we need to talk about different levels of sexual desire and the fact that someone not wanting to have sex does not mean they are being rude or feel disgusted — they may, quite simply, not want to have sex.

Sapiosexual meaning

Sex Education never uses the word demisexual or asexual, bisexual, or most other classifiersbut Otis struggles to negotiate his sex drive from the outset. Every character in this show represents someone in the audience. There will be Maeves feeling empowered by her character's confident sensuality; there will be Erics defining their own bold identities; there will be viewers of all ages and orientations who see themselves in the many patients of Otis's underground sex therapy clinic. And there will be Otises watching who realize that their feelings and desires — or lack thereof — are equally valid.

That is, in eight episodes, more sexual diversity than most of the television landscape combined.

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The show's title refers as much to its characters' sex education as to its audience's. It is a testament to the lofty task of television trying to represent everybody; perhaps, with more stories like these, we may actually reach that goal.


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