New Englanders are unlike any other people in America, and thus, unlike any other people on Earth. There's a special brand of precious difficulty when it comes to forging a romantic relationship with us that can be as alternately tumultuous and pleasant as springtime in Hartford.
If you're an outsider, you shouldn't embark on a relationship with a New Englander without some background info. Here is that info, best enjoyed with some lobster and "Sweet Caroline" on repeat. We walk wicked fast No matter how fast you think your legs can take you up a hill, ours are double the speed and twice the size. You think we're going to take our time roaming those windy, frustratingly irregular Boston streets, or hiking up the somehow windier White Mountains? If you aren't moving at what feels like a brisk jog, you're moving too slowly. Bean vest ever come off?
How to text a guy you’re interested in—while still playing it cool
Yeah, buddy, it does. You think that Brooks Brothers outpost at Bradley International got there by accident? There wasn't much time for emotional intimacy when our Puritan ancestors were busy trying not to starve to death in the winter, hanging witches, and slut-shaming the Hester Prynnes of the colonial world. Our parents handed that emotional withdrawal down to us, and we'll one day pass that icy torch.
The mature dating game
Except way better. Yeah, focus on that and Coffee dates will only happen at one place Starbucks?
Seattle's Best? Wait, do those even exist anymore? Peet's is actually pretty good, that might not be a bad idea Of course you should order the largest possible Dunkaccino AND a croissandwich. We're generous like that. Plus, we still have money on that gift card our Nana gave us two Christmases ago. So yeah, things are going pretty well here.
No, the second weekend in August is no good, Uncle Paul's taking that blackjack dealer from Foxwoods he just started dating, although that'll probably be over by June. We don't all have friends named "Sully" Like, there's my friend John. His last name? See, here comes John now.
You're gonna love him. He's nuts. And that Fenway Frank? No, it's definitely NOT just a regular hot dog with part of the bun missing. My jersey?
Yes, we do actually own some nice clothes beneath all that fleece
Yeah, it's a Tom Brunansky throwback. Who's Tom Brunansky?!
You know, this might not work out. Oh look, it's my good friend John Sullivan!
We walk wicked fast
Don't pick an argument with us Dare you have any idea how many highly esteemed colleges there are in New England? Well yeah, sure WE went to Trinity, but we spent plenty of weekends visiting friends at those other places. And arguing with them. Just don't try it.
12 things you should know before dating a new englander
We'll never have a relationship like Luke and Lorelai from Gilmore Girls People like that from Connecticut simply do not exist. You're going to hate being in the car with us Let us drive and watch us recklessly cut people off on Route 2 while swearing at other drivers in between making ill-advised sports talk radio calls.
Or you could drive and deal with all the other maniacs doing the exact same thing. Don't bother dating anyone from Rhode Island Just trust us.
What to expect when dating a guy from boston
Jeremy Glass is a writer for Thrillist and proudly grew up in Connecticut and Massachusetts. We're going to Dunkin' Motherfucking Donuts, baby. Make Fun. Thrillist Serves.
Social Media Links.